Thursday, May 30, 2013

Adieu, nasty little gargoyle...

Basilique Notre-Dame-de l'Epine - Chalons en Champagne
Went off for a change of scenery to forget the incessant rain (well that didn't exactly work out to plan, but it did feel like a different type of rain at least) and more importantly to take my mind off a nasty little blight that has plagued our lives for the past two years. The Noisy Neighbour Downstairs...

There are no known cures to this illness, apart from surgical removal, but as that hasn't been an option, we have all had to grin and bear it.

Symptoms in the sufferer include sleepness nights, irritability and intolerance to excess of any form. Attempts to alleviate these vexing manifestations have involved several calls to the police, many letters of complaint to the housing agency and several less-than-neighbourly verbal exchanges... all to no avail!!!

The show must go on, and so it has over the long months... As we've only been here two years, the suffering is minimal compared to that of the other neighbours who have had to endure this for even longer! This ghastly little gargoyle seems to hang over our lives, ready to disrupt the calm at any moment.

The cause of so many frayed nerves and shattered sleep patterns is literally a creature of the night. This being has a typically nocturnal existence, sleeping through most of the day, though can be espied on the terrasses of the local bars from apéritif time, cigarette poised between lips or yellowing fingers, a glass of alcohol at the ready.

As a creature attracted to species demonstrating similar behavioural patterns, he will readily invite fellow night-time beasts back to his smoke-ridden lair before and after visits to his watering holes and associated gathering places.

Unfortunately, this burrow is below ours, so whether we like or not, we end up aware of all the movements, habits and natural instincts of this singularly selfish, unattractive being. Although drawn to social groupings with others of his type, he shows little but disregard and disrespect for any other living creature, although he will try his Gallic 'charm' on any unsuspecting female of any species. He certainly spends enough time banging around in the bathroom, presumably preening and gurning in the mirror.

An apparently innate attachment to alcohol and tobacco has made his appearance raddled and wizened, while his relatively advanced years (60 - ie old enough to know better!) have not bestowed him any wisdom. A quiet evening of reflection would be beyond him - unless perhaps accompanied by his music. The music... no, I won't even go there....

So, it was with disbelief and great excitement that we all learnt that this unusual, yet wholly unwanted specimen was to leave the house that he has dominated over the years. It all seemed too good to be true...

Well, it is true, but is more a case of  'Don't hold your breath'. Having moved out virtually all his possessions from his warren below - mostly during the night - he now can be heard here day and night.

The nocturnal noise of music, loud conversations,stomping shoes on wooden parquet, slammed doors, windows and cupboards is nothing new, but the resonance is amplified in an empty space without furnishings. Apparently this strange creature is currently presenting signs of an impulsive cleaning instinct, which is insatiable. Perhaps this would explain why the beast in question has decided to keep on his empty dwelling place until...... August!!!

So I dedicate the photo above to this animal, whose unendearing lifestyle habits we have been fully exposed to over the past two years, in a very unsymbiotic relationship.
The photo below is to render us calm and collected in order to endure the next two months, and above all, to help me hold back the burning desire to wring that scrawny creature's neck!!!
I trust he will find the neighbours he fully deserves in his future abode... Adieu gargoyle!


  1. Amazing gargoyles! Glad you've (hopefully) seen the last of the living one though...

  2. We were only just talking about that particular specimen earlier on this evening as we commented on the calm that reigns here now! We haven't seen him since he moved, and it's probably better (for him) that we don't because I would be tempted to subject him to some suitable Medieval torture treatment!


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